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This is a rush transcript from “Gutfeld!,” May 10, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: All right. Happy Tuesday, everyone. It’s my favorite day of the week, except for all the others. Jimmy Failla is here. You don’t have to clap. Oh, he brought his jacket.
JIMMY FAILLA, HOST, FOX ACROSS AMERICA: Anyways.
GUTFELD: Must have been an estate sale.
GUTFELD: So as you know, talking about a stolen election can get you into trouble. It’s the equivalent of shouting fire in a crowded theater. Except you can actually shout fire in a crowded theater. Especially if there’s a fire and you started it.
Even more if you’re a Democrat and you’re about to become White House press secretary, something tells me you’ll get a pass on this.
Karine Jean-Pierre. Sounds like the goalie for the Montreal Canadiens. Is that a real team?
Well, anyway, she’s been tapped to replace Jen Psaki. But did you know she once falsely claimed that the 2018 Georgia gubernatorial election was actually stolen?
I know. Since when do Democrats care about theft? But I get it, when someone gets a fancy job embarrassing tweet surface like a bloated corpse in the East River.
I remember when this show started, someone started leaking these erotic videos I’d made back when I needed the money. True, I was the one leaking them. I just felt they needed a wider audience.
But Jean-Pierre’s tweet matters because that sort of thing would disqualify anyone who isn’t a lefty.
Back on April 2nd, 2020, she tweeted, reminder Brian Kemp stole the gubernatorial election from Georgians and Stacey Abrams. Of course, no Dem has called this an attack on democracy, a claim they’re always making against Republicans. But they wouldn’t know democracy if it bit them in their elitist butts.
But she’s merely echoing exactly what the Dems get away with saying already. Which tells you it’s only a crime if a Republican does it. You know, like marrying your brother. Who hasn’t? You’ve married a lot. Well, maybe only once. Never mind.
You haven’t heard much of it, but Stacey Abrams filed a federal lawsuit over Georgia’s management of elections, and the trial actually began last month. You could say the lawsuit is an attempt to undermine the integrity of Georgia elections. But like a plane full of passengers during the safety demonstration, no one’s listening. They’re too busy trying to find gas and baby formula, which causes gas.
Anyway because she’s a Dem that stuff doesn’t matter, mainly because the press is on her side. They go together like peanut butter and jelly, pizza and beer, nipple clamps and Cheez-Whiz, and they want elections as secure as the border. Think about that. Now, as you know, Psaki’s leaving her job to go to work at MSNBC so she can now lie while sitting down.
Now, if you don’t know the network, it’s the news station that makes the Weekly World News look like Face the Nation. But I guess someone has to do the work they pay Rachel Maddow for.
GUTFELD: Thank you. Not working. Anyway, I want her job. I don’t know — a show coming her way, but I hear that her office duties will involve feeding Joy Reid and changing Lawrence O’Donnell. Half the duties she performed for Biden. I just hope Jen enjoys her first day at MSNBC.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh. Hey, Jen. Welcome aboard. Hope you’re getting settled in. Let me know if you need anything. Office supplies or whatever.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, the supply chain is a top priority for the Biden administration. That’s why he’s working with all of our global partners to ensure a strong economy.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I was talking about, like, staples or pens or anything. Anyway, make yourself at home. Let me know if you need anything.
TIMPF: President Biden believes that every American deserves to feel at home in their own country.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You know, you’re not press secretary anymore, right?
TIMPF: No more questions at this time.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Now, that isn’t — that one tweet isn’t the only thing to erupt from Jen’s replacement. There’s this video from MSNBC where she describes Fox News as racist back in March 2020, which she then shared from her Twitter account.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KARINE JEAN-PIERRE, WHITE HOUSE PRINCIPAL DEPUTY PRESS SECRETARY: Fox News was racist before coronavirus. They are racist during the coronavirus. Fox News will be racist after the coronavirus. So, there is nothing new here. I think the difference is as they have been, they are all in on being state T.V. for Donald Trump and so they will continue to give them misinformation. The danger is so, yes, you have Asian-Americans right now whose lives are seriously in danger.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Ah. Well, at least you didn’t parody Mary Poppins.
But I remember those days, you know, when the left actually did care about Asian-Americans, not so much anymore. Now that Asian hate crimes erupted and the culprits aren’t in MAGA hats. Why bother reporting them at all?
So as part of her new job, she’ll be dealing with all of these racist Fox News reporters, especially our own dumb S.O.B., Peter Doocy. Oh, he’s so racist.
It’s funny that Psaki is scheduled to leave her job Friday where she will end up right where her replacement was when she said we were all racist. I call it the circle of strife.
Like Shemp and Curly, they just switched roles. Stooges Reference, Kat. But I guess that’s what Democrats mean by both sides.
So, will the new face of the administration face questions about her hatred for Fox News? Maybe. But only from people at Fox News. Assaults on the press are another one of those things that can only come from Republicans.
But I should point out, we’re not racists. We’re just kicking all of their asses and they’re out of ideas. So that’s why they call us racist. And as long as you’re on the right side, meaning the left side, you can say anything you want. But unlike the left, we won’t try to stop you.
It’s the best way to make you look stupid.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
NINA JANKOWICZ, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY’S DISINFORMATION GOVERNANCE BOARD: Information laundering is really quite ferocious. It’s when a huckster takes some lies and makes them sound precocious, by saying something in Congress or in mainstream outlet, so this information’s origins are slightly less atrocious. It’s how you hide a little lie, little lie. It’s how you hide a little lie, little lie.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.
GUTFELD: Let welcome tonight’s guests. His audiences rush the stage because they think there’s an exit behind it. Fox Across America host, Jimmy Failla. She’s put more people in stitches than the town stabber. Comedian and podcast host Chrissie Mayr. The Dirty Dozen is what her podiatrist calls her toes. This is 12 toes.
GUTFELD: And they’re filthy. Fox News contributor Kat Timpf. And he bumped his head on the International Space Station. My massive sidekick and the NWA World Television Champion in New York Times bestseller, Tyrus.
Jimmy, welcome to the show.
FAILLA: Hey, girl.
GUTFELD: People are tired of my jokes about your jackets.
FAILLA: Is that true?
GUTFELD: I think so. That was a very tepid response today. It makes me feel very bad. Maybe it’s the audience.
FAILLA: Are you guys pro-Failla? What’s going on here?
GUTFELD: So here’s why —
FAILLA: Pretty lukewarm.
GUTFELD: Here’s the problem with being a leftist. Sooner or later, you’re going to run into people that you called racist because you called everybody racist.
FAILLA: Oh, everybody.
GUTFELD: She didn’t think that at some point she’s going to be in a room with people that are like — she’s going to have to say, oh, hi.
FAILLA: Well, a couple of things. First of all, on the Joy Reid show, you have to call people racist to get in.
FAILLA: — comedy club is like a two drink minimum.
FAILLA: The Joy Reid shows the cable news equivalent of those guys outside Port Authority that call everybody Honkies, you know what I mean? It becomes funny. Like you go back and like hey, can you call my kid a cracker? This would be amazing. But it’s funny that it came back to her in this way this soon. But I think the whole thing is so — like so exposes the fraud of what they do because people have tuned it out now.
They don’t care that it’s racist. You’re — now you’re saying people are sick of me and you feuding about fashion that people are sick of being told things are racist that clearly aren’t racist. She was calling Fox racist because why? Homeless people were throwing Asian people in front of trains. Last I checked homeless people weren’t watching cable news in the Penn Station men’s room.
FAILLA: And to the point of us calling a truce we have and I’m going to congratulate you a lot of people don’t know this. Greg just got a role in the new Mission Impossible. The mission is to get something off the top shelf. But we have signed a truce.
GUTFELD: You know, Chrissie, I think Jimmy makes a good point that when you start calling everybody racist, real racist like him feel insulted. I mean, he puts all this work into becoming a bigot, and then everybody else gets the credit.
CHRISSIE MAYR, COMEDIAN: It’s not fair. Like Fox is totally not racist. And I don’t think it’s racist at all was in the beginning of the pandemic, people were calling the coronavirus the China virus. I don’t think it’s racist at all to know where you’re viruses are coming from. Like I know for me personally, they usually come from New Jersey or Long Island.
FAILLA: Solid. It’s funny. You know what I would just add to that really quick?
FAILLA: If we’re racist as a network, we’re so bad at it. Like let me give an example. Last Thursday, OK? I did Harris Faulkner show. Black host, OK? Saturday night I did Lawrence Jones a show. Black host. Saturday, Sunday I did the big Saturday big Sunday with Gianno Caldwellm black host. Monday I was on your show with Tyrus, black co-host. If we’re racist, we suck at it.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.
FAILLA: — trying to say. But they just throw it like — there’s — apparently there’s a table and a handful.
GUTFELD: — black people.
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Just when I count the flowers on his jacket.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes. He’s like the Census Bureau for African-Americans.
TIMPF: It’s also just crazy when people act like Fox News is like one opinion.
TIMPF: Like a lot of different people don’t work here. Like you’re going to, you know, hear me talk about something or give some perspective and then have Rachel Campos-Duffy say the same thing on “FOX AND FRIENDS WEEKEND”? Probably not.
TIMPF: Like a lot of different people where —
GUTFELD: There is a spectrum. And you’re on that spectrum.
TIMPF: Why ADHD? Which is close to that?
GUTFELD: No, but it is true. It is the — it is this whole thing where they — I think, because people watch Fox News. The people that hate Fox News watch just the clips that are sent out by CNN, which is what we do to CNN.
TYRUS: Yes. I don’t know. That CNN clip, I’d be fine with it at this point, because like six people would see it.
TYRUS: So, they could fire away.
GUTFELD: What do you — I mean, what do you think about just the — I don’t care about —
TYRUS: What I think about working at race response?
GUTFELD: Should she not — should she not have that job?
TYRUS: Well, then Anthony Scaramucci say some colorful things, he lasted, what? Seven minutes?
TYRUS: It was like a new record because of the things he said in the past. And we’re kind of similar.
GUTFELD: He called the reporter when he was wasted.
TYRUS: Yes, yes. And I don’t know as a drunk phone call worse than saying an entire network of people with thousands of workers are all racist?
TIMPF: Depends on the call.
TYRUS: Yes. Yes.
TYRUS: But, you know, it just goes back to — and this is something that I learned a long time ago. Anytime you’re in an argument with someone and you win the argument. They go to that the panic bag.
GUTFELD: Yes, right.
TYRUS: And then you start hitting them with facts and truth. And you start with the argument. They have to play the race card or the sex card or try to bring up something that you did months ago to win the argument. Well, Fox has been winning the argument for quite some time. So, when they get on T.V. and they say Fox is racist, they hope that gets attention. And maybe we’ll punch down.
TYRUS: Which you kind of made us all do right now.
FAILLA: You elevate the conflict.
TYRUS: Yes. We’re all —
FAILLA: That’s the point.
TYRUS: We’re all punching down. We’re all talking to the — her and the 27 people that watch MSNBC and now they’re like, see you, we’re in the fight. We have a chance. We just need to ignore him. I mean, she should — she has no business. If she feels — if she’s that bias towards want — the news network then why are you talking to him?
FAILLA: I would honestly he’s right 1,000 percent. If I was Biden, I would replace my press secretary with a magic eight ball. The problem is Hunter might bring the wrong eight ball.
GUTFELD: Yes. Well, isn’t every eight ball, a magic eight ball?
FAILLA: Deep down. Hey, girl.
GUTFELD: All right. You could tell it was a slow news day. All right. Up next. Florida teaches the truth about reds and it’s exploding modern day commies heads. That’s a rhyme. All right.
GUTFELD: What are you giggling over there?
TYRUS: Oh, just depression.
GUTFELD: Oh my God. All right. Here’s to a history class that won’t give Marxism a pass. It’s true. DeSantis takes on the world’s worst commies, and as lefties crying for their birthing persons. On Monday, a day of the week, the President of the Republic of Florida Ron DeSantis, signed a law requiring students to learn about communism, establishing November 7th as a state holiday called victims of communism day or VOCD.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GOV. RON DESANTIS (R-FL): You can see at a college campus students flying the hammer and sickle from the old Soviet Union flag. You will see students that will have t shirts with Che Guevara on the t-shirts. You will see students that will idolize people like Mao Zedong. That to me speaks of a tremendous ignorance about what those individuals represented in the evils that communism inflicted on people throughout the world. And so, our goal here is to stand for the truth.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right. Hereafter the only pinkos Florida tolerates or tourists who forgot to pack sunblock. Yes, their skin goes red.
GUTFELD: Somebody drugged the audience. Jokes that bad today, huh? Is that what it is? You’re just so intent. Now Florida is the first state to adopt this designation, but it’s the first mandate 45 minutes of school instruction on that day. That’s not that much. Students will learn about Lenin, Stalin, Castro, Mao Zedong, Jane Fonda. Once again, Bernie Sanders is left out. Students will also learn how people under those regimes endured, “suppression of speech poverty, starvation, migration, and systemic lethal violence.”
Sounds like Portland, Oregon. Of course. DeSantis has already gone after Disney in recent weeks positioning himself as a leader in the culture war. He really made Pluto his bitch. All the more significant considering he only trails Trump in polls on the GOP favorite for president, while Mike Pence draws less interest than a savings account. Although we shouldn’t forget about this guy who’s also climbing up the polls.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I wish I had some singles. Chrissie, is this a good idea?
MAYR: I know that I want that guy at my birthday party. That’s for sure. It’s interesting that victims of communism day is happening in November at school. So what does that mean? Instead of hand turkeys they’re going to draw like hand Trotskys? I don’t know him. I don’t know him. I don’t know.
GUTFELD: Hand Trotsky.
MAYR: I think —
GUTFELD: That sounds like a medical condition. You got to Trotsky’s.
MAYR: I think any kid that’s been forced to share their snack with the rest of the class is a victim of communism.
GUTFELD: Yes. That is true. That is true. Oh, I wish I had snacks, Tyrus. What do you make of this? I got — you know what, here’s my theory. I have a theory. You’re going to like this one. Governor DeSantis’s effectiveness as a governor and a presidential candidate. He’s Trump without the Trumpism. He’s — all of these things are very interesting, provocative, and I would say smart ideas. But it’s not wrapped in that cocoon of tweets and brashness.
So, he actually — he might actually have learned something absorbed. What works from Trump and what doesn’t. What do you think of that theory?
TYRUS: That’s pretty good. You see my care face? My care face was on point.
TIMPF: That was really good. We’ve been working on it. Yes.
TYRUS: Let’s do it together.
GUTFELD: I have a feeling you — I have a feeling when I’m not around you two talk about me a lot more than I think.
TIMPF: Yes. We do it on our podcast.
TYRUS: I don’t think we’ve — I don’t think we’ve had one conversation like what do you do now?
TIMPF: Yes, Craig Butterfield.
TYRUS: Yes. You know —
GUTFELD: Even have a codename for me.
GUTFELD: So, it doesn’t show up in Google searches.
TYRUS: You know, he’s doing something crazy, though. Speaking of crazy.
TIMPF: He’s doing something out of this world. Like he’s really just stepping out the box. He’s fighting (BLEEP) with facts.
TYRUS: Oh, wow. You know, I’ll give you a history lesson on communism. Let me guess what they’re going to come out and say, I know exactly what to say. It’s racist, it’s racist, that you’re teaching us about the evil side of communism. And he’s also pointing the people who are for it, to where it was going to look at them.
So, you’re only in favor of common — because most communists are when they’re running the show, because they of course, they have to keep, you know, they have to keep the money in the power to make sure it’s, you know, spread evenly amongst the masses and a few starve along the way. Yes. What are you going to do?
TYRUS: But — so, by isolating the people who are for that, they’re going to be like, so you also support this, which is the horribleness of Stalin and Marx and they see how bad the star. 100 million people died.
TYRUS: On the — on the wrong end of communism. That’s kind of hard to walk out of.
GUTFELD: Yes, it is.
TYRUS: Were they all racist?
TYRUS: You know, so —
GUTFELD: The funny thing is, when they look at Karl Marx, and they look at Angle — they were — they were actually racist.
TIMPF: You know, yes.
GUTFELD: (INAUDIBLE) you know, they were not — they were not woke.
TYRUS: There was no mixing. There was no little Tyruses running around.
GUTFELD: There’s no such thing as a little Tyrus.
GUTFELD: That made me think of something really bad. You know, Kat, this is like the Republican answer to CRT.
GUTFELD: If you want to do CRT, we’re going to teach the kids about how bad communism is. But it’s — but Tyrus is right. This is actually factual history. And it should be — it’s not like an ideology behind this lesson.
TIMPF: Totally. I’m going to — I’m going to say communism is bad. But the thing is — but yes, just — you could honestly — you don’t have to have a day to teach it. You just teach world history. And then you can see that communism is bad.
GUTFELD: But — what? Do we like — isn’t it called — when I was a kid, Social Studies?
GUTFELD: What the hell was that?
TIMPF: I don’t know. I mean, they call it Social Studies.
GUTFELD: That was the trend. It wasn’t called World History anymore. It was called Social Studies.
TIMPF: And that’s when the country fell apart.
TYRUS: Because Social Studies is racist. Because if you’re not social, you know, social person. You’re being excluded from social studies.
TIMPF: But I —
TYRUS: They need to have loan study.
MAYR: What about socialism studies?
GUTFELD: Socialism study.
TIMPF: But — honestly, you have to say that Ron DeSantis is like if he wasn’t a governor, like he’d be so good, like at marketing.
TIMPF: Like this man knows his audience.
GUTFELD: But this —
TIMPF: It’s going be like, you know what, we — everyone agrees is the worst is communism.
GUTFELD: But you got to think — but — think about this.
GUTFELD: Is that if — like this sounds like a Trump idea, but it’s it doesn’t have the Trump veneer on it which means people can’t like — he’s like — he’s like a mountain that — mountain climber has a hard time climbing because there’s no nooks and crannies like Trump has, Jimmy.
FAILLA: But he finds a way, no. DeSantis picks really good fights.
FAILLA: The things he’s going after people care about. Communism as Tyrus said has killed 100 million people. I believe it’s a second biggest killer of all time next to the Clintons. When you But when really get into the specifics of what these battles mean to people because the parental rights and education bill which is not the Don’t Say Gay bill doesn’t mention gay is popular with parents on both sides of the aisle.
It’s 62 percent with parents, Republican and Democrat combined. And they’re trying to you know, paint this as anti-gay, anti-trans, it’s none of that. Parents just know that their kindergarten kids don’t want to fly to Disney and go on a ride called Snow White and the Seven Genders. You know what I’m saying? No. No one is waiting in line two hours for Peter Pansexual and DeSantis is right to know that and that’s why he’s winning.
GUTFELD: On that note. Peter Pansexual. Why didn’t I think of that?
TIMPF: I think — I think I dated him.
GUTFELD: Yes. Well, up next. Would you is still make your daily commute if it means getting attacked in routes?
GUTFELD: They’re tired of asking please don’t shoot just to survive their subway commute. According to a nonprofit business group called Partnership For New York City or (INAUDIBLE) Fewer than 40 percent of Manhattan workers are actually going into the office and they blame public safety. You know, stuff like getting whacked upside the head, pushed in front of a subway train or heaven forbid running into Kat before sun up.
New Yorkers miss the good old days when we all had to, the only thing we had to worry about were rats and urine. I tell you, it’s the worst thing to order for brunch. Shut up. Thought that was funny? The group’s president saying the obvious: if we can’t solve the public safety problem, we’re going to see a long-term decline in the presence of folks who are willing to take the subway and come back to the office — nice glasses.
And it’s not just New York, Chicago too, Boeing is now moving its headquarters from the Windy City due to skyrocketing crime rates. And we’re talking Boeing, not Ben and Jerry’s, these people make B-52s, not banana splits. If people who make bombers don’t feel safe, what chance do you have? But not to worry, Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s keeping an eye on the situation, the other eye is pointed somewhere else. So, if crime becomes endemic, how can the workplace handle it? What do you do? We have sick days? We have snow days. Is it crime days?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, boss, sorry, I don’t think I can come in today. There’s a lot of crime outside.
JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: That bad, huh?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes. Looks like there’s a guy with a knife outside my window trying to break in. I think I’m just going to take a crime day.
DEVITO: There’s definitely something going around. How are you feeling?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Fine, but oh, yes, there’s another guy trying to steal my car.
DEVITO: Do you think it’d be in tomorrow?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Actually, I just checked the forecast. It says it’s partly stabby, with a chance of homicide.
DEVITO: Well, get plenty of rest and make sure you drink a lot of fluids. Time to grab some lunch.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Nicely done. Kat, so I came up with this idea of having crime days, like sick days because I, if I get stabbed, I don’t want to use a sick day on that.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I think that if you get stabbed, you, you get the day off.
GUTFELD: You do, but they’ll take it from your personal or your sick days.
TIMPF: Yes, that’s — I don’t, I don’t have any experience in that area. But yes, I was, I was raised I guess like, fewer than 40 percent of people live in Manhattan actually go to their desk every day. Like everyone telecommutes, and it’s not COVID. Nobody really cares about COVID. People say they do. But people don’t feel safe going on the train, or eat and it’s so expensive now to take a car.
TIMPF: It’s — and there, the traffic’s really bad, because nobody wants to take the train. And it’s again, it’s not because of COVID it’s because they don’t want it not just like stab, I think just people don’t want to get like peed on.
GUTFELD: You’re going to get peed on. You don’t want some guy flashing his junk at you like Kilmeade does. People you know, it’s Jimmy, it’s like, what do you do? Great question.
JIMMY FAILLA, COMEDIAN: I know, great setup there —
TIMPF: This is the man that’s going to solve this.
FAILLA: This is the guy. This is the guy. The guy who is wanted in five states by the fashion police is going to solve crime. But it is amazing to think that everybody feels safer at home except Supreme Court justices.
FAILLA: That’s weird. No New York, it is bad. People, as Kat said, are terrified about crime, shootings up. I will, to be fair, half of those shootings are Knicks fans who shot themselves but —
GUTFELD: I don’t get that joke. I thought, I told the producers no sports jokes that I don’t understand.
FAILLA: This out. They’re bad, Greg.
GUTFELD: OK, they’re bad. They’re bad. They’re — baseball.
FAILLA: They’re very — the basketball. They’re very bad. Greg, the Knicks are so bad if you get there early, you can play.
FAILLA: That does that. But you guys, but the point is people don’t feel safe in New York. We know that as people who live here.
FAILLA: It’s gotten exponentially worse. Adams needs to do something about crime. He’s not doing something about crime. Remember the shooting on the subway, the cameras didn’t work.
FAILLA: And what did he announce the next day? We’re going to be enforcing a mask mandate. Oh, thanks. Hey, girl. No one wants to go to work. The only company that’s fully staffed is CNN, because they don’t want to wind up on a Zoom with Jeffrey Toobin. That’s it.
GUTFELD: It’s true. Nobody wants that, Tyrus.
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: No, who was he?
GUTFELD: That’s the, that’s the spoken, that’s the unspoken part of the CNN story. Why he didn’t get fired was because he wasn’t alone.
TYRUS: It was a group’s pants stance.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, Tyrus, it would take for treating crime now like it’s the weather. It’s something that’s not going to go away. It’s just something that changes.
TYRUS: Yes, well, crazy, defund the police. You let the criminals go out. You put a public defender in office that let everybody go. I mean, even the guy that attacked, Chappelle is getting hit with a misdemeanor.
TYRUS: So, apparently a fake gun knife is the way to go. If you’re going to attack somebody, it wasn’t a gun your honor, it was a gun that turns into a knife.
GUTFELD: Yes, it’s a transformer.
GUTFELD: It’s a trans-weapon.
TYRUS: Time served.
FAILLA: You can’t prosecute it.
GUTFELD: It’s the wokest weapon. It’s the wokest weapon. Every now and then, I’ll stumble into a joke and hit my head on it.
TYRUS: I’m kind of glad you said that one though. But yes, I mean, the only thing that’s going to come out of this is basically the unaffected going to get affected because their bottom lines coming up short.
TYRUS: So, some of these woke CEOs and stuff that want to do all this crazy stuff, they’re no longer going to make their bottom line, they all lose profits, and then they’re going to care.
GUTFELD: And you know who, by the way, you just reminded me who is that that Chappelle concert show? Adams? And then he missed his flight. So, it’s like, what are you doing over there?
TYRUS: He’s really having fun being mayor.
GUTFELD: He really is.
TYRUS: Nobody told him you have to actually work at it.
GUTFELD: He loves it. He loves it. And his priorities are like vegan Fridays —
TYRUS: And he’s got so many likes now.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly, exactly.
TYRUS: A lot of verified followers.
GUTFELD: If that, he just wants to be popular, Chris, if he wants to be popular, if he solves the crime problem, he will be the most popular mayor in decades.
CHRISSIE MAYR, COMEDIAN: Oh, absolutely. And they keep talking about oh, we got to get the mentally ill people off the streets of New York City and I don’t know what that means for me and Jimmy? What’s going to happen?
FAILLA: Like we joke about it, but if you live in New York, everybody has seen like the actual moral decay, like New York City.
GUTFELD: It’s accepted, and it’s, it’s just —
FAILLA: That’s what I mean, the quality of life compromised. The people who live here have just accepted the aim of what New York really does. It looks like Gotham before Batman comes, except Batman is not coming because he’s not vaccinated.
FAILLA: It’s so sick, it’s so stupid.
FAILLA: There you go.
GUTFELD: All though, Robin got the booster.
TYRUS: And pushed off a train.
FAILLA: He’s dead. Cat Woman is now a cat lady.
TYRUS: Cat person, Greg.
FAI: Way to get us canceled.
GUTFELD: All right, I’m going to shut up now coming up. If basketball fans act a fool, will Charles Barkley keep his cool.
GUTFELD: If you’re talking Malarkey, prepare to fight Barkley. Yes, they can’t take fans mean hollers despite being paid millions of dollars. NBA Legend Charles Barkley suggest the best way to deal with unruly basketball fans is to let the players fight them. Yes, that’s great. Barkley’s comments come after an alleged altercation during Sunday’s Western Conference semifinal where a fan was removed for harassing the family members of Phoenix Suns player, Chris Paul, but I’ll let Charles explain just how his plan would work.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CHARLES BARKLEY, NBA LEGEND: Some of this stuff these fans say, let’s take him right down to Senate court for five minutes. I’ve always said that some of the crap they said to you, hey, let’s give me five minutes to send a quote until say, you aren’t going to press no charges, nobody going to get it. No and nobody going to be sued civilly. Say what you just said to me right to my face right here for these five minutes, I’m going to beat your ass, beat the hell out of you.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That could be fun. If fans fight athletes, the nosebleeds won’t be just from the seats. But I wonder are you going to take your time and not beat them up quickly?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARKLEY: I’m going to take my time. I’m not going to beat him up quickly. I’m going to jab him a little bit. Damn, we’ll lay the haymakers —
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So, is violence really the answer? Should basketball be more like hockey? Will fans show up knowing they might suffer such brutality? Maybe. After all, people still watch “FOX AND FRIENDS.” Tyrus, what do you think? A good idea?
TYRUS: We have to. He wasn’t talking about just being heckled.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
TYRUS: But they went after basketball players family.
GUTFELD: Right, right.
TYRUS: Small children and his mother.
TYRUS: And when that happens, be damned once you get paid, you should be able to walk the sumbitch out in the morning, would you say, you know, because then they wouldn’t do it. The problem is, is that we’re seeing like with Mike Tyson and we’re seeing people are starting to get emboldened think they can do whatever they want when they don’t like anything.
TYRUS: So, I agree with Charles, and yes, sometimes you got to tenderize the meat before you lay it down, you know? You got to you got to talk to him, you know?
GUTFELD: Chrissie, I like this because you’re like, it’s like combining two sports because like they’re not interesting, like MMA. (INAUDIBLE), but you put it together, you got basketball plus MMA. It’s pretty fun.
MAYR: We should be able to let everybody fight like if athletes can fight with their fans, comedians should be able to fight with their fans because I have black belt.
GUTFELD: Do you?
MAYR: Not in karate? Just, it’s a regular.
FAILLA: Chris, so silly.
GUTFELD: Yes, Chris. He raised a good point, though. Because have you ever gotten in a physical altercation with a fan? Or you’re one fan with a —
FAILLA: There it is. There it is, a multitude of reasons. I should point out the Indiana Pacers actually tried this with Ron our test and Steven Jackson malice at the palace. They ran into the stands and be that everybody it’s famous. It was really funny. I’d be into it though. Because this has saved me a lot of money for paying to get beat up on Craigslist, you know, so there’s that. But Barklay’s right in one way. Couple of freaks in the back really like that — me too. You don’t recognize me without the mask, do you? But let me say this —
GUTFELD: They’re laughing because there’s like Craigslist, who goes there now to get beat up? We got a adult friend finder.
TYRUS: Yours is a step outside.
FAILLA: Who goes there? You got to — you’re going to see that the Oscars, you’ll get hit right in the face.
So no, there’s a good point to all of this, though society would benefit from bringing back fist fighting, because fist fighting brought a level of accountability. Weren’t going to get stabbed or shot there was a cut off. Yes, there was some type of comeuppance for bad behavior. And this is a real thing.
Tyrus was on my show last week. I’m not plugging me. I’ll plug in him. He told the fistfight story on my show. That’s the most downloaded thing in the history of the show. And it gets people hearkened back to a time —
GUTFELD: So, the five downloads.
FAILLA: Yes, you’re all over this one tonight your shots you take a shot but no it’s actually true people want that era back where you got smacked in the head because right now the responses you get a mean tweet from somebody, you’re never going to see right now we’re road raging with people on different highways than us. Yes, well that in person thing does matter.
GUTFELD: Yes, we need to be on the same highway so we can kill each other.
FAILLA: Thank you.
GUTFELD: Kat, you’re very violent person. It’s unbelievable. People don’t know that side of you because they don’t see you after work, but you are a vicious, horrible —
TIMPF: I keep getting engage in emotional warfare. Although, I don’t see if the fans are great, like agree to it to the fight that I don’t see why it’s a problem. Like as a Libertarian, I’m not going to say that two consenting adults cannot enter into a contract. So I don’t care if they fall on dual.
GUTFELD: Yes. Are you you’re so are you suggesting full on gladiator events?
TIMPF: Yes, if they agree, why not?
TYRUS: I think you can give somebody can’t act right every once in a while. It’s cool. But here’s the downside. The athletes putting Alana on the line, because if Charles goes out there, and then he catches the as with it, not only is he getting beat up, he loses his job. And then the fans going to get all kinds of stuff. They’re going to be on top. They’ll be on this show. There’ll be everywhere.
TYRUS: Like, the time you heckled? And then but usually Mother Nature doesn’t work that way, it’s usually the guy with the biggest mouth who can’t, can’t fight.
GUTFELD: But you’re talking about the natural consequences of incentives and does it like if you if you incentivize people who can fight to come to the basketball games, and then they position themselves in the audit.
TIMPF: I would start watching sports.
FAILLA: No, it would boost right — no. Think about,
TYRUS: –only write checks you your ego can cash.
FAILLA: But it’s true. Think about the Oscars. Everybody thought it was a plant because how much more popular with the Oscars be if you can tackle the presenters.
FAILLA: you’d watch that all day.
GUTFELD: So, true. All right. This is another sports story. It’s probably the best sports story we’ve ever, ever done. Up next, he was hired to score and pass, but fired for excessive gas.
ANNOUNCER: “A STORY IN FIVE WORDS.”
GUTFELD: You know, we’re actually not short on time. Here’s the story in five words anyway: Soccer player fired for farting.
Obviously, Kat, we got to get to you first, not because of your sports acumen, or any knowledge about soccer, but the flagellation that you’ve experienced in your own life has lend you some kind of wisdom. Brazilian Defender Marcelo was dropped from his team due to excessive farting and laughing in the dressing room. Do you think this was fair?
TIMPF: OK. No, he was fired because the manager hated him.
TIMPF: Because you’re not going to fire somebody for farting. Just what I kept telling myself for a while. Everything — but I bravely shared my story, not only for myself, but for women everywhere who have farted in front of their bosses.
TIMPF: Because it’s very common and certainly has not only happened to me.
GUTFELD: It’s, it’s —
TIMPF: Very relatable.
GUTFELD: I think it might have only happened to you.
TIMPF: Yes, nobody — not a single person was like, me too.
TYRUS: Yes, there was no. No one came forward.
TIMPF: Yes. But again, not everyone. I’m very brave.
TIMPF: I’m very brave.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, what are your thoughts on this amazing sports story?
TYRUS: It’s not really that amazing. They were losing at halftime and the coach was giving a speech to hype everybody up. He was trying to get him going, so they get that when he can keep his job. And apparently, they were acting like kids in the back and mess around laughing and giggling and they’re basically kids in the back of the classroom, so and they ended up losing. So, you know, unfortunately, it runs downhill.
TYRUS: So, the guy who was in the back, pulling fingers and laughing got, got shown the door. But also, Brazilian defenseman, that in itself is a fireable offense if you actually watch soccer. That’s right, I said it, they’re not doing nothing — nothing.
GUTFELD: That is a comment about sports that I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I’m going to go, yes, I’m going to use that next time. Brazilian defenseman, talk about an oxymoron, am I right?
TYRUS: Just make sure you’re in an Irish or English bar or German bar.
GUTFELD: Yes. They’ll be buying me drinks, Chrissie. Something weird, why is it that men find flatulence so hilarious, but women don’t?
MAYR: Because they’re dumber.
GUTFELD: Women are.
MAYR: Men are.
GUTFELD: Oh, OK.
MAYR: If everybody who farted in a dressing room got fired, I wouldn’t be here tonight. So, I don’t know. I don’t think they had to fire him. I think they should have just pointed him at the goal but turned him around and just so he could point the farts at the other team. And this is all just a result of everybody going vegetarian. So, I think we should blame Bill Gates.
GUTFELD: It is true. So, we’ve shifted the flatus, is that what you call it? flatus from the cattle to ourselves, right? Flatus.
FAILLA: The Flatus.
GUTFELD: Is that plural for flat — what am I saying? Look, people, it’s kind of is assault, right? It’s an assault on your senses.
FAILLA: It’s, listen this story is a little highbrow for the show in e- block, I just want to point that out. I am not I’m not the expert on soccer farting. The one that made me think, though, is you got to feel for soccer players go in number two because they’re not allowed to use their hands. Like, how does that, how does that work out?
MAYR: What was his position? Was he an offensive player?
FAILLA: Chris, there you go, good tag. It’s, it’s one of those things where to Tyrus’ point, professional athletes, professional sports coaches.
FAILLA: Want to win really bad.
FAILLA: If don’t appreciate this guy in the locker room. So, to Kat’s earlier point, it was a lifetime achievement award for getting fired. It’s just happened to be the most headline worthy firing, you know guy gets fired for being a jerk isn’t really a headline. The guy farts, is great, you know?
GUTFELD: And yes, it’s also a you know, it’s soccer. Like a football player would be fine for —
TYRUS: No, no, any sport. You don’t get it, every sports movie you’ve seen. It’s the speech.
TYRUS: Coach gives his speech that’s his moment to get everybody going. He’s like, we’ve met and we come together we go out there and score.
FAILLA: Yes, think about that. It’s, it’s called —
TYRUS: Everyone’s laughing.
FAILLA: Think about the most famous speech in sports. Is called win-win for the Gipper, it’s a win-win for Eric Swalwell.
GUTFELD: Yes. All right.
TYRUS: That’s why he was fired. He ruined his moment and montage.
GUTFELD: Exactly. And his pants. Don’t go away. We’ll be right back.
GUTFELD: Tyrus and I, we’re going to be in Salt Lake City, right? May, May 21st?
TYRUS: Yes, May 21st. Yes. Saturday.
GUTFELD: Yes, you’re going to be book signing, you’re going to come out on stage. We do a little Q&A. We’re going to have some fun. Tom Shillue is going to be there. It’s going to be —
TYRUS: Wait, Shillue, you didn’t say anything about Shillue.
GUTFELD: I don’t like telling you when there’s another white person there, really white.
TYRUS: Yes, like, Casper the —
GUTFELD: Casper, he’s like, Casper the friendly whatever.
TYRUS: And speaking of ghost, my book’s been sold out. It’s going to be back in stores, the 17th, so —
TYRUS: We’re back on.
GUTFELD: And that is it. Thank you, Jimmy Failla, Chrissie Mayr, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Shannon Bream is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld and I love you America. Yes!
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